real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
