Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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