I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
