So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
