I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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