It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
