...so i touched it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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