All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
