Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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