I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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