i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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