today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He has the fingertips of a God
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
