Your face is a jimmy john
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
