it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
