hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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