there's paper in my vomit.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
