I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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