it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
