i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
