you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
