i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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