there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
