We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
