dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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