when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
