Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
