"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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