yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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