My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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