Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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