I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Someone signed my nipple.
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