He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
