This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
