You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
