Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
