Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
