there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
