Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
