Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
