Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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