Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
