i just had sex bonerless
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
