Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
