doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
