im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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