So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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