it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
