i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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