On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
