i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
